Wall Street Savant Gifts

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Bullseye!

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Decision Making Block

'Time to buy.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

'I say we try it.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'