Wall Street Savant Gifts

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Bullseye!

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Decision Making Block

'Time to buy.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'I say we try it.'

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

Making money for investors is simple

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'