Wall Street Savvy Gifts

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

"I'm Bobby. If you like the lemonade, perhaps you'd like to invest in the 'Jimmy's Lemonade' franchise, listed in NASDAQ..."

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

'Tech stocks performed better today after the market was defragged.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'In a cost-saving move, I've replaced your cubicle with a back pack.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"Today stocks rose on the news that 'down' is a temporary state of mind."

Money down the drain.

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Pork Bellies.

"All agreed? We buy low and sell high."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"The stocks rally wavered on news Janet Yellen sounded greenspanish."