Investor Savant Gifts

"We were leasing land to a guy running a truffle farm in france. He skipped out, but we were able to recover some of his assets."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

wealth investment

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."