Wacky Friend Gifts

"My resolution this year is to not take myself so serious."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Penguin Remote

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'Want to swap imaginary playmates?'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Giraffe Selfie

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Is that you nomad's answer to everything...ROAD TRIP?"

Breakfast surreal.

"Oh, no! My bucket list!"

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

Big man on Krampus

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

Scraper Biking, Manhattan, Spring, '95

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Fido phones

'Stop when you see a clean lake.'