Vitality Seeker Gifts

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Low-Energy Drinks

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Hospital Departments

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

'It's Blurred.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

Nutritional Supplements.

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Cures for the void.

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

Laughter Therapy.

The optician's arrival ended Phil's short sightedness and his 15 year island exile.