Vitality Seeker T-Shirts

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Low-Energy Drinks

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

Hospital Departments

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

'It's Blurred.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you?"

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Cures for the void.

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.