Virtue Seekers Gifts

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

'Please give me patience and give it immediately!'

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Feel free to take notes."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

My God, I need to fart.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."