Virtual Meeting Survivors Gifts

"So no more zoom meetings. I take it."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"It has come to my attention that some work-from-home employees aren't maintaining company standards."

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

Cat Zoom Meeting

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Meeting not going well?"

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Dog Park Zoom

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

"Thanks for coming in."

violence in workplace

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'