Online Meeting Survivor Gifts

"I thought you said zumba?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

"...is somebody playing Wonderwall?"

Meeting not going well?"

Dog Park Zoom

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

There's a real disconnect going on here.

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

"5...4...3...2..."

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

"Today's meeting will be endless, with a half-hour break for lunch."