Virtual Love Seeker Pillows

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Sitting in a tree

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"If you lied about where you are from, what else have you lied about?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Baker Romance

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Bearing in mind I'm a man of few words - how much?'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

Speed Dating.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Why so grim, handsome?"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

The Wishing Well

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"Try a danged head shot!"

Funnel of Love.

How oysters get engaged.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Are you sure you know what you're doing?'