Virtual Love Seeker Gifts

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Sitting in a tree

"If you lied about where you are from, what else have you lied about?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Baker Romance

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

'Bearing in mind I'm a man of few words - how much?'

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

Speed Dating.

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Why so grim, handsome?"

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

The Wishing Well

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Cupid and parachutists.

"Wow! Check out the moon."

How oysters get engaged.