Virtual Guardians Gifts

"But when we logged-on to your website, we naturally assumed that we'd be adopting a virtual orphan."

"He likes it."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Hacking into our system is one way to get my attention.'

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" The hot video game where you're a peacemaker who disarms everyone in sight and sells them on the virtues of nonviolent communication.

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

"Apologies, sir. The mansion is haunted by Randy, the master's late spaniel."

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

"This one is for hacking into our enemy's hacks."

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"What channel is David's summer camp on?"

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

"Boy, Dr. Perkins, are you a 'site' for sore eyes!"

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'