Virtual Guardians Pillows

"But when we logged-on to your website, we naturally assumed that we'd be adopting a virtual orphan."

"He likes it."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Careful. That house has a taser."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'Hacking into our system is one way to get my attention.'

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" The hot video game where you're a peacemaker who disarms everyone in sight and sells them on the virtues of nonviolent communication.

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

"This one is for hacking into our enemy's hacks."

See, no monster under your bed

"Apologies, sir. The mansion is haunted by Randy, the master's late spaniel."

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"What channel is David's summer camp on?"

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

"Boy, Dr. Perkins, are you a 'site' for sore eyes!"

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'