Vintage Food Humorist Pillows

'No cowboy's tough enough to handle Cookie's grub. Just ask Wild Bill Hiccup and Wyatt Burp.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'The Burrito King.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Lockdown casserole

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'