Vino Veteran Gifts

'...and what are these screw tops all about, wine should have a proper cork, and the prices...who do they think they're kidding.'

In the Guru District

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Redhead

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

A very fine vintage

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Nouveau wine

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"