Vino Enthusiast Gifts

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine, White Wine and The One In The Middle.

'Lookee here! You done got me a wine decanter!'

"My lines have become blurred, I can't remember whether I'm drinking the medicinal or the recreational wine."

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

One more please.

'Don't tell me, I know this one. Is it wine?'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

'Organizing by alcohol content may have been a mistake. We've had to replace the floor eight times.'

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

'The reason they come in packages of 3 is simple: two for your brother and one for your father.'

'Yeah, we're in Napa Valley.'

Drinking wine has never been a spectator sport.

'They're automating the bottling process? Why? Just yesterday, me and my team managed to cork four bottles.'

' I don't want a nice little wine - get me something aggressive !! '

'It wasn't until I started ordering the red wines here, that I came to fully appreciate the level of service provided.'

'No, it's not that good, but it is that expensive.'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

Red Army

'The trend toward less alcohol consumption at office parties is having a bad effect on my health. Wine cooler bottles are heavier than beer cans.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'