Vino Aficionado Gifts

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

Wine-Tasting Contest

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'Aha! Caught you with your 18-year-old friend!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Now I really hate poetry."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Join me in a Martini?

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."