Fine Wine Aficionado Gifts

Doctors confirm two glasses of wine daily has health benefits.

F&E Vineyard. Wearing vintage clothes for crushing the grapes, nice touch Ernie!

Wine Connoisseurs in Hell: 'You mean they're all room temperature!'

Wordplay: Export.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Bacchus.

"Now I really hate poetry."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'