Wine Aficionado Gifts

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

"Bitsy and I decided controlling our portions was no way to live."

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Italian Stereotype

'You drive a Japanese car, drink French wine, eat Chinese food, own an American computer, buy Canadian lumber and vacation in Mexico. How can you be AGAINST free trade?!'

"Not much - just flushing out my arteries."

"It's a full-bodied wine with hints of acrimony, partisanship, and moral outrage."

"What do you have in investment-grade reds?"

"I love Boxing Day"

"This brand has a clean balance sheet, a lively marketing plan with tasteful notes of originality, and a strong fiscal-year finish."

'I'm getting cinnamon, brandy nutmeg, a hint of alsation...'

'Water? Oh, that's good! Hah hah hah! How very droll! No, sorry old man, no water here... This is a CULTURAL oasis!'

"I'd like a Merlot, nothing pretentious,just something 'avec un petit de je ne sais quoi!'"

'Boozer's Week.'

"OMG! I've bought wine instead of milk...again!"

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

The morning after her girl's night out Maude was suffering headaches, fatigue and nausea.

'Honey, I think our 3-second rule should just apply to food.'

The Conveyance of a Corkscrew Hand

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

"May I suggest a wine and a filter setting?"

"Perfect. Kate and Eli are suckers for bold graphics."

"And what are you planning to pair with this wine?"

"Barry made the wine. I made the cheese."

'S'more wine?'

Red wine teeth

"Just what I wanted - a dozen rosés."

'Just think of me as a bottle of wine. The older, the better!'

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

Great wine of China

Manicure - "Would Madam like the house red?"

The wine-shop

Alderman advising his son to put aside plenty of port in his youth

'I know he'll solve it--he even understands German wine labels.'