Vino Raconteur Gifts

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

'Are you blind ref?'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"House red, sir?"

Road Kill Cafe.

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

'I failed my wine appreciation class. I swirled, sniffed and spilled out every sample perfectly. If only I had remembered to taste them.'

Are substitutions permitted? If they were, don't you think I would have substituted another customer for you? Menu.

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

'He's giving us a final request? Ask for a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau - that'll give us till November.'

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Blue wine

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

'I started this vineyard 20 years ago, with absolutely nothing, and today I can proudly say I don't have less.'