River Raconteur Gifts

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

'You're always complaining! What's eating you now?!'

'I don't have any fish. . . Because I catch and release, yeah, that's it, catch and release!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

"House red, sir?"

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

Road Kill Cafe.

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Making Things Pleasant.

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

Are substitutions permitted? If they were, don't you think I would have substituted another customer for you? Menu.

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

Now we wait for the show to begin!

'Dad, I've joined the Police: The Taser Unit!'

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'