Vineyard Owner Gifts

'I'm hoping one day I'll be discovered by the director of Riverdance.'

"The movie star who owns this winery bought it to 'have fun.' I'm glad somebody's having fun."

'That's disappointing - we've only gotten 10 years out of this 'Vintage of the Century' sign.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

"If we poured the millions of dollars we spend on advertising into improving our vineyard, we wouldn't have to advertise."

'No, I haven't gotten around to crushing the grapes, but I think have them pretty well intimidated.'

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Dad, the wine's been put into used barrels, just like you ordered. I got a great deal on them from Exxon.'

Caveman Imagines the Future of His Wine Invention.

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

'I started this vineyard 20 years ago, with absolutely nothing, and today I can proudly say I don't have less.'

'And, to think, you always said the old winemaker would never let his son do anything around here.'

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

Rural Life - 'Good God, I'm afraid we're nabbed!'

F&E Vineyard. Wearing vintage clothes for crushing the grapes, nice touch Ernie!

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

Grapes Drinking Blood

Make Alexander Hamilton Great Again

"Relax, Pop. Payroll is down and production is up."

The Vineyard

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Who's the new guy?'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'