Vietnam War Gifts

Ho Chi Minh

A massive ship pulls in in Central Park.

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...I don't like your chances!'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

"Buy him a pint and he'll tell you about the blitz, buy him three and he'll re-enact it"

'Don't forget the plan - When he gets weak from laughing - Hit him with your left!'

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

Joseph, returns his coat of many colours: 'Can I exchange this? It clashes with everything?'

'No. No. Don't bomb them now. Wait until morning, when the birds are singing and the air is alive with a sense of possibility.'

Wrestling Champion.

It was the easy listening that the free range sausages seemed to find most soothing.

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

'I found it on Craig's List.'

Clearing up medals.

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

'It's like listening to the 1950s. You can hear the dentures whistling.'

'My doctor tells me I have medal poisoning.'

Remembering All The American Idols.

'Damn!...I lost my grip.'

"It's from Private Ryan...Wish you were here."

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

'This one is for not stirring up global tensions with anything I say in TV interviews.'

"...and forget your damn sensitivity training."