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Amateur Ventriloquists

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

A cow ventriloquist.

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

Ventriloquist Grave

'The dog ate my homework but it can be presented nonetheless because he's a passable ventriloquist.'

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Ventriloquist Audition

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Shipwrecked Ventriloquist.

When Ventriloquists get the hiccups.

'Thanks for buying the ventriloquism instructional tapes. You are now listening to tape number one...'

"We never talk anymore."

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"No, I didn't just tell you to have one yourself!"

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"Last chance, or Max here has ways of making you talk."

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"I'm not great at communication, but my little buddy is."

'Forget those itch creams, do what I do, just put your butt down on the carpet and scoot around the room.'

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Jellyfish ventriloquists,

"Let's see how you like it, tough guy!"