Veggie Tactician Gifts

"Where's a plague of locusts when you need one?"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Better Not Squash.

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

If we build raised beds and a compost bin now

Taken genetic engineering too far

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

“Children hate me.”

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

"Don't try the candied yams and sweet peas, turns out they are vegetables."

'They send you into the ketchup department? HA! I'M going into pizza!'

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"I remember when we wouldn't buy the bent knobbly ones. Now we pay twice as much for them."

'So, that's settled - the eyes have it!'

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Good boy Alex! You've eaten all your vegetables again."

The vegan hunter

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wifi password."

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

'I'm in a lot of trouble, but it's worth it. There's not enough dirt left to grow spinach.'

Dreams of Spring...

We've been working on them in the wind tunnel...

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

'This stuff isn't genetically engineered, is it?'

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.