Veggie Romancer Gifts

'Your words say one thing, but your breath speaks the truth!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

But is it organic?

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

At the market

The discovery of asparagus.

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Better Not Squash.

'What are you eating now?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

"Florets! How lovely, I'd better put them in some boiling water."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'He's all eyes!'

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'I've saved you all the sprouts - Mum said they are very good for us!'

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

Grocery Shopping

"The transplant can be done anytime. We can always get artichoke hearts."

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'Are they fat free, low carb, high fibre and organic?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."