Vegetarian Guru Gifts

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

French wine

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Vegetarian Birds

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Queen of Quinoa

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Give quiche a chance!

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

Cheese

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'