Vegetable Detective Gifts

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

Allotment

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Honest Vending

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

Frank & Ernie's Carrot, Beet, Potato Farm. Lunch break's over --- Shall we return to our roots?

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Onion Tears

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Rap-scallions

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

Avocado Timeline

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"