Vegetable Detective Pillows

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

Allotment

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Honest Vending

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Onion Tears

Rap-scallions

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

Avocado Timeline

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

Getting Rid of the Cure