Vegetable Plot Detective Gifts

"For the second night in a row, someone has mysteriously added soil to my vegetable patch - the plot thickens!"

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'Looks like Reginald wasn't kidding when he said he's going to start urban farming on the roof...'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'What did I say about finishing your vegetables, Billy?'

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Onion Tears

Rap-scallions

'Who says you're not genetically manipulated?'

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

Avocado Timeline

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

'He's all eyes!'

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"Mother will never be able to rest on her laurels. If they're green, she'll cook them."

"Don't try the candied yams and sweet peas, turns out they are vegetables."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Carrot salad, carrot casserole, carrot juice, carrot cake - I want steak!'

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'