Vegan Food Gifts

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

Health Conscious Halloween

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Two vegans, please."

Queen of Quinoa

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Before/After

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Is this still America?'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."