Variety Seeker Gifts

"Salad again! How about some beef for a change?"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Bad for you but to die for

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'What clan do you belong to?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

"Eat my dust!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Fresh pepper?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Useless add-ons.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Cash Machines From Across the Land

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

Mohammad's motors

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

Toenail clipping missile.

Clock and Watch Shop: Second-Hand Clocks and Minute-Hand Clocks.

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.