Variety Avoider Gifts

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

Marvo the Bird Impersonator

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'It's short cut pastry - I'm allergic to cold steel.'

Sitting Out the Lambada

Eat your vegetables

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'No, I don't like dancing.'

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

"We have a lot in common. We both hate homework, vegetables, bedtime, chores, long car trips. . ."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."