Variety Agent Gifts

'It's short cut pastry - I'm allergic to cold steel.'

Marvo the Bird Impersonator

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Garden.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"The team needs LEADERSHIP, anyone have a view on that?"

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

Meet Santa's entourage

Snow White and her Seven people.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"Welcome to our symposium on sexism, and a special thanks to all the lovely ladies who brought a plate."

"Oh dear, how embarrassing!"

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"Should I just give him the £2.50 or does that look cheap. . . would he say anything if I just walked past?"

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

Hollywood, 2083.

Quiz: Find the Subtle Signs of Implicit Bias

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"My agent."

"These are my windscreen credits."

'You SHALL go to the ball, subject to my usual arrangement fee of 30% of any ensuing profits.'

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."