Food Variety Gifts

Balanced diet.

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

6 Brothers Falafel

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

But is it organic?

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Advocado

Queen of Quinoa

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

The discovery of asparagus.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

All Natural Nothing

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

Better Not Squash.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

Spontaneous Kombucha

'What are you eating now?'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Cooking with Pierre

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."