Vanity Ponderer Gifts

"I never lie about my age...so would you do it for me?"

30 Years Younger Kit.

Magritte realising he's going bald.

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

'If you don't count your birthday...why should I remember it?'

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'What did He do before he was God?'

Vanity artist

Jesus wept

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

"It looks as if Bodecker's project has gotten completely out of hand."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'It must cost a small fortune to dry clean that suit.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Narcissus

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the silo, who's the studliest bull in Shiloh?'

Alien Reflection

Dorian Gray views a Selfie

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.