Vanity Fan Pillows

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

'It's more like a very good used you.'

"Hi gordeous!"

"What's new?... For starters, most of my wife."

"Did you knock?"

Me me me

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Hairstyles

Tortoise polishing his shell

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

TV-Mirror.

'All the crabs you can eat, $1.00. But first you have to catch them.'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'Cosmetic surgery.'