Cleanliness Fan Pillows

'The ref likes a good clean fight!'

Tortoise polishing his shell

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"Fridge-to-table"

Hairstyles

Well that's me detoxed!

'Now where did I lay my comb?'

'It's more like a very good used you.'

Free Chimney Cleaning.

'Oh Mother, he's just showing off his passion for freshness.'

'Mate, you've just paid two grand for a T-shirt and a hand-mower.'

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Man shaving from foam on a mug of beer.

'The door jammed.'

"If we just hold our nerve, poorly-lit homes filled with clutter will become 'a thing'."

'For an additional fee I can touch up your DMV picture using digital photo editing software.'

Washing Face

Me TV.

'No more hairy legs for me, I'm waxing now...'

Episcopalian Flue Jab.

Medusa, first thing in the morning.

'I'm not sure but I think the four basic food groups are frozen, canned, junk and take out.'

Elevator Out Of Order

"Peanut butter sandwich. Instant pudding. TV dinner. Canned soup. This is home-style cooking."

This is the new chicken product, poulet ding! I suppose the 'ding' is the sound of the microwave.

'Here's to the frozen food aisles at the supermarket!'

Me me me

Bald Eagle with a Wig

"The usual, sir?" "Yes, please."

"You can run, Elliot, but you can't hide."

'I don't understand: Everyone stopped when I joined the food-fight at school...'

"Hi gordeous!"

"What's new?... For starters, most of my wife."