Vanity Fan Gifts

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

'It's more like a very good used you.'

"Hi gordeous!"

"What's new?... For starters, most of my wife."

"Did you knock?"

Me me me

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

Hairstyles

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Tortoise polishing his shell

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."

TV-Mirror.