Vanity Fair Explorer T-Shirts

Plastic Surgeon's desk has files labeled 'Nip' and 'Tuck.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

TV-Mirror.

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Vanity artist

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

"You're so vein."

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

'Mirror, mirror, on the silo, who's the studliest bull in Shiloh?'