Vanity Explorers T-Shirts

"Instead of killing the whale for its blubber, we're going to do a little lipo."

'Mirror, mirror, on the silo, who's the studliest bull in Shiloh?'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

Vanity artist

Alien Reflection

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Hair spray"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

TV-Mirror.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007