Vanity Adventurer T-Shirts

'It's all good except they took my implants.'

A little powder and a little paint makes a girl what she ain't!

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

Vanity artist

TV-Mirror.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Toupee in a tin.

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I know how you feel.'

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'