Vanity Affair Explorer T-Shirts

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

Vanity artist

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

TV-Mirror.

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

Tanning Machine on the beach

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup