Vanity Fair-goer T-Shirts

'Medium well, please.'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

TV-Mirror.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

Stars Without Make-Up.

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'