Vanity Fair-goer Gifts

'Medium well, please.'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

Stars Without Make-Up.

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Tanning Machine on the beach

The Paper Silhouette Editor