Vanity Fair Appreciator Gifts

'Another bad hair day, Leo?'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

TV-Mirror.

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

Rabbit has cosmetically enhanced teeth: 'I always said that when I could afford to I'd get them fixed.'

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Tanning Machine on the beach

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

Stars Without Make-Up.

The Paper Silhouette Editor

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

"You're so vein."

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.