Vanity Fair Participant T-Shirts

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'It's the least I can do. I don't have enough money to get cloned.'

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

The Paper Silhouette Editor

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

Stars Without Make-Up.

Tanning Machine on the beach

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'