Van Gogh Vigilante Pillows

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

Wrong ways to wear a face mask.

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"What happened to what cat?"

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

'You have voted, yes! Have your SHEEP voted!'

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

'Mom, the only thing I don't like about this job is the screen saver.'

Monster in optician.

'She wasn't hoydening when she chuffed arrack.'

He takes snitching on car drivers to another level…

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'

'You appreciate that you have just used a split infinitive!'

Don't feed the bears vegetables.

"So how to you know I'm an optician?"

'Sir, what is the matter?' - 'New contact lenses.'

Masked intruder

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

Cat's 'To Do' list.

"And just where did that extra vowel come from?"

"I feel a lot safer around here since your Grandad joined the Neighbourhood Watch!"

'I'm seeing double.'

"B.1.1.529!"