Vacation Punter Gifts

'You and your cheap flights!!'

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"Not too much off my back."

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

"I take it the tortoise wasn't available."

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

"Someday son, this will be all oars."

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

"You're a bottlenose dolphin – find me a bottle!"

Kanoe/Cayak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, there is an uptown train a hundred and two stations away."

"I brought my wife a mink for her birthday, but she refuses to clean out its cage."

Gambler And Umpire

No, that one's not my hand, either.

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

Octopus porter.

Swimming lanes in a bathtub

The God's football

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

'Hey, it's my first retirement check!'