Urinal Philosopher Gifts

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

'You lifted your head.'

Pigeon Little

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

An idea box in a shower

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"So I leave eggs on the ground, and then you come along and drop your whatever on them? That's your idea of romance?"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

"It Works For Us."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"